MAC & CHEESE: At Costco, for $89.99, one can buy a 27-pound tub of mac & cheese with a shelf-life of 20-years. And yes, they are currently sold out!
When my clock landed on seventy I began taking note of what being a senior citizen involved. Like all phases of my life, I see this one as just another chapter in the book. I’ve pretty much accepted each chapter and enjoyed turning the pages. I think my only fear is still having a life while having no quality of life. But in the meanwhile, here’s a few of the aging thing I noticed most recently.
- I’ve always loved to travel but in the past year or so, I’ve not been willing to venture too far from my family doctor and the medical community I’m familiar with. Even twenty years younger I didn’t want to get too far from a Walmart and a hospital. On two Florida fishing trips, I ended up in an ER and had to get back home under adverse conditions, including a severely broken shoulder. These days going to Columbus may be too far.
- For much of my life, I’ve heard warnings that young children and the elderly should take certain precautions such as, be sure to get your flu shot, pneumonia can be deadly for geezers so be sure to get your pneumonia shot, or colon cancer is the silent killer so with a smile say “I’d love it” when a proctologist asks to shove a ten-foot rubber hose up your butt.
- A sure sign of old age and one that slowly creeps up on you is losing most connections to popular culture. Just watch the Grammy Awards or sit around listening to your grandchildren talk about what they’re doing for entertainment. You know you’re old when it all sounds like Swahili.
- Somewhere along life’s journey waitresses and nurses began calling me honey or sweety. I’m probably on the same page with Andy Rooney with that one. Look girly, my name is Larry or Mr. Chapman. Hell, I’d even be okay with gramps.
- One I do enjoy is having young people hold doors open for me and calling me sir. If I could only get them to salute as I pass by.
Back in the 1950s metal motor oil cans were everywhere and there were no American Pickers can collectors to gobble them up. Look behind most service stations and you’d find a pile of discarded oil cans leaking their remaining contents onto a thoroughly saturated and toxic plot of soil. I don’t know what eventually happened to these piles of cans but I guess junkmen came along and hauled them to Charley Cohen’s.
I don’t speak Italian and have no formal education regarding opera. I just enjoy hearing the wonderful voices of people like Pavoratti. I came across this video of him singing in a quartet of great voices. Now I have to deal with a personal question. Did I enjoy this clip because of the music or the abundance of full-frontal cleavage? Kind of like why you enjoyed Playboy. The truth was you enjoyed the nudity and the monthly centerfold. Some tried to claim, however, that they bought it just for the articles.
This is January 1, 2019, and so far it’s not been much different than yesterday, December 31, 2018. Two major differences are, there are far more hangovers being cared for today and there are tens of thousands of people not waiting ten to fifteen hours in the rains of New York’s Times Square for a crystal ball to be lowered at midnight. If there’s anything I can’t imagine it’s me standing in the rain with 100,000 others waiting to watch a shiny thing descend upon the earth.
When it comes to New Year Eve stories, however, those ball watchers will have a story that will far exceed anything I’ve done on New Year’s Eve. Neither Janet or I have been much for leaving the house on these occasions. In 2000 we did attend a community millennium celebration and maybe a couple of years afterward we went to a nearby neighbor’s and played Trivial Pursuit with some friends. Increasingly we don’t even bother staying up to watch the ball drop, which was the case last night. By eleven o’clock I was asleep and having dreams about when my first piss call would take place. In case you’re into these things, it was 1:22 am.
As Trump and Kim positioned themselves to sign copies of the agreement I, for a very brief second” saw Mel Brooks, in his Blazing Saddle role as governor, sitting in for Trump.
I wonder if Brooks was the director of that Singapore dog and pony show?
STARBUCKS: Starbucks opened its first coffee shop in 1971. Today there are over 28,000 shops spanning the globe. As the fringe right likes to say, that’s a lot of soldiers in the war against Christmas!
I’ve taken Ambien for years to help me go to sleep. Sleep was never a problem until a couple of back to back surgeries about ten years ago. As many of you know, Ambien has side effects that include sleep walking. We’ve talked about this before and many of you Ambien users have such stories to share.
Anyway, couple of months ago I decided to try something different and my doctor wrote me a script for Lunesta. While it did put me to sleep it left such a horrible aftertaste in my mouth that I just had to give it up and go back to Ambien. So here’s my latest Ambien story.
I’m tired of being the only person with a conspiracy theory to share so I’m now taking my turn.
I turned on Morning Joe and the truth just seemed to flow forth. It began with a series of video clips of Trump talking about how greedy he is and has always been. Scarborough, having been around Trump on numerous occasions, gave credence to money being of extreme importance to Trump. He said that Trump was the guy who would not let someone else make a buck off him unless he got a cut.
The topic then turned to yesterday’s revelation that Mike Cohen had established one or more shell companies to channel money through. So far investigators have found that over four million dollars have passed through these shell companies and it seems to have come from various companies, one with foreign connections, seeking access to Trump. If this proves the case it foretells legal problems for Cohen because he has not registered as a lobbyist or agent of a foreign entity.
It’s a beautiful thing to witness the openness that suddenly appears when a politician decides to not seek reelection. Senator Orrin Hatch of Utah has decided not to run again and Mitt Romney has stepped forward to seek his open seat. Just like Senators Flake of Arizona and Corker of Tennessee, he now has no fear of speaking out. Check out this video of him tossing around the “dumbass” moniker.
SAYINGS: One of my all-time favorite sayings is, “If they don’t have a sense of humor, fuck ’em!”
Many of you are familiar with Trae Crowder, The Liberal Redneck. He’s kind of a liberal version of Jeff Foxworthy except that he says “fuck” a lot. I find him funny and often dead on in his social and political rants. Here’s Trae’s most recent take on what happened in Florida and some of the solutions offered.
- Trump is the first occupant of the White House who has been given carte blanche to make shit up while providing zero evidence.
- It’s been said that Trump Tweets while sitting on the toilet each morning. I’m thinking his most angry, ridiculous, and outrageous Tweets come from those times when he is the most constipated.
- If Obama did tap Trump’s phones it suggest a federal judge saw sufficient evidence of wrongdoing to justify a warrant.
- In one February Ohio week we had the highest temperature ever recorded, followed by plummeting temperatures and spitting snow, and finishing up with a tornado that left a 7-mile track through Highland County.
- Old Chinese proverb, “Be wary of autocratic rulers with goofy fucking haircuts.”
Being a political junkie and having Trump in the White House makes it almost impossible to have a random thought that is not political. Consider this a warning.
- I just spent four hours shredding documents in what is supposed to be a paperless society.
- I’m becoming paranoid about Trump being paranoid.
- Since January 20, 2017 I’ve had a solid reason to get out of bed and turn on the TV. Unfortunately I’m getting to be a historical eyewitness to the Trump directed meltdown of America.
- The older you get the less you are aware of popular culture. Driving past a multiplex I didn’t recognize a single movie title on their bill board.
- I’ve often wondered what should be the measure of having too much money. Possibly it’s being able to afford to rent a rocket to take you beyond the moon and back.
- All presidents should stop using war widows and victims of violence as political props in their speeches.
- Politicians need to immediately stop putting party before people. They should begin and end any legislative thought by asking if the consequences honestly serve the betterment of the general population.
Many Americans and citizens of other nations are worried about the coming of Trump. I’ve given this some thought and concluded that nothing can be done to totally shield us from the harm that precedes the arrival of this so ill prepared politician. All we can do is work on what we can to lessen the damage he is capable of.
The one solution I’ve arrived at is to distract and keep him distracted. We all know is his Achilles heel is his ego and how difficult it is for him to manage that ego when it’s been challenged. To date, anyone who has insulted him has ended up being counter attacked in the next day’s Twitter cycle. At the recent Golden Globe Awards Meryl Streep laid into him pretty hard about some of the things he did during the election. Next morning we were treated with a streak of anti Streep tweets from Trump’s Twitter Tower, (Please notice the wordplay!).