Christmas songs. Love ‘em or hate ‘em, you just can’t avoid ‘em this time of the year. Like most of you I have my own collection, the only difference being that mine is far superior to yours. It makes no difference if you like the classics or the contemporary, the Shoe Archives has them for you. With that in mind, let’s take a stroll down to my basement bar, The Black Hole, and have a look in The Archives to see what’s filed under “Christmas.” Hey, get out from behind the bar, that’s my territory . . .

O.K., first let’s take a look at some of my personal all-time favorites, the old rock standbys if you will.

Happy X-Mas (War is Over) – John Lennon: John singing of Christmas, peace, love, and the end of war. What more could you ask for?

Father Christmas – The Kinks: A traditional Christmas song that tells the story of a department store Santa Claus who is beaten up by a gang of poor kids who tell him to give them money instead of toys. Touching.

Punk Rock Christmas – Sex Pistols: Pretty much a straight-forward punk rock Christmas song. How they got the lads to do it I’ll never know.

Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) – U2: The great U2 remake of the 1963 Darlene Love classic. Bono shreds on lead.

Little St. Nick – The Beach Boys: Christmas in the original Beach Boys style. I can’t have Christmas without this one.

Santa Claus is Comin’ To Town – Bruce Springsteen: The Boss’s live version that brings down the house. “It’s all cold down on the beach . . . “

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas – Chrissie Hynde: The classic as only Chrissie can sing it. Simply beautiful.

Ho Ho Ho and a Bottle of Rum – Jimmy Buffett: Along with Christmas in the Caribbean, Buffett’s best holiday party song.

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus – John Mellencamp: Great rockin’ version of this Christmas classic, but with a fine fiddle and a Mellencamp touch.

Christmas All Over Again – Tom Petty: “And right down our block, little kids start to rock . . .”

Honorable Mention: Do They Know It’s Christmas? – Band Aid

Merry Christmas Baby – Bruce Springsteen

Christmas in the Caribbean – Jimmy Buffett

Santa Baby – Rev Run & The Christmas All-Stars

Next, let’s take a look at some newer fare, tunes that have caught my ear in recent years:

Christmas Time – Smashing Pumpkins: Simply one of the most beautiful, touching Christmas songs I’ve ever heard. More emotion than in any other Billy Corgan vocal.

Everything’s Gonna to Be Cool This Christmas – Eels: Mr. E telling himself that everything’s going to work out . . . maybe.

The Man in the Santa Suit – Fountains of Wayne: Only the quirky band from the east coast could sing it like this.

Lonely Christmas Eve – Ben Folds: Ben’s version from the “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” soundtrack.

Christmas – Blues Traveler: Bluesy number from the early 90’s. Yes, Popper blows the harmonica.

Christmas Time Again – Extreme: Maybe Gary Cherone couldn’t stick with Van Halen, but he kills this song.

The Lights and Buzz – Jack’s Mannequin “It’s Christmas in California, And it’s hard to ignore that it feels like summer all the time, But I’ll take a west coast winter to remove my splinters. It’s good to be alive.”

Waking Up On Christmas – The Smithereens: Straight-ahead rocker by the legendary Smithereens.

Santa’s Beard – They Might Be Giants: “I saw my baby wearing Santa’s beard, She kissed him once and whispered in his ear, I saw my baby wearing Santa’s beard, I wish he would go, He’s breaking up my home . . .”

I Want an Alien for Christmas – Fountains of Wayne: FoW pretty much saying that, well, they want an alien for Christmas.

Honorable Mention: Snowman – Barenaked Ladies

Last Christmas – Jimmy Eat World

I Hate Christmas Parties – Relient K

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas – Sister Hazel

I also would like to mention a few other Christmas gems you might enjoy. You may not hear these in your local Wal-Mart, but here goes:

Who Put the Dick on the Snowman? – Rodney Carrington: A heartwarming story about some kids who made a snowman in honor of their father. Sure to pull at your heartstrings.

Ho Ho Fucking Ho – The Monty Python Singers: A Christmas song with a Monty Python twist. Great for Christmas office parties or church socials.

Merry Fucking Christmas – Mr. Garrison from South Park: As politically incorrect as you can possibly imagine.

I’ve Got a Boner for Christmas – Nerf Herder: Pretty much what the title suggests. Perfect for sitting on front of the fire with that special someone.

Well, there ya go. I also have a ton of the usual suspects such Feliz Navidad by Jose Feliciano, McCartney’s Wonderful Christmastime and the like. Yeah, yeah, I have some Alvin & The Chipmunks too.

To conclude, you are hereby invited to visit The Black Hole this holiday season, have a Hot (or cold) Toddy, sit back, and listen to my seasonal offerings. Consider it my gift to you, my loyal Store follwers. Just call first so I can make sure I’m not going to be home.